History repeats itself
So, I am at it again.
I am getting mood swings, crying for nothing, stressing myself over the fact that I am not capable of studying properly. Is there even anything I can do well?
I suck at communicating with my parents. I suck at being sociable or even likeable and nice around my friends.
Don't even get me started on that boyfriend that I negleted so badly.
Tomorrow is the exam. I truly believe tjat my professor didn't tell me how bad I sucked just so I wouldn't get depressed and play even worse than today tomorrow, if it's even possible.
Overall, this week has been just weird, psinful, frustrating, all over the place.
What even.
I don't know anymore.
I came hwre to just be humiliated.
Humiliated by how badly I play.
By how badly I handle preassure.
By how much of a stupid human I am.
In the end, we are now at the same point.
I started cutting again.
I started crying again.
I started feeling as shitty as before again.
I don't sleep, I almost don't eat and I throw up. Like wtf is this.
I shouldn't ever had done erasmus.
This is not for me.
I wasn't even meant to be born anyway.
It was just a chance that they found me and a chance that I ended up surviving.
But if this was natural selection, I would be long dead.
So is there even meaning for me to be here anymore.
There probably isn't any.
But, as always, I'm too coward to end it all.
A fucking sensible stupid little coward who doesn't know what to do.
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